His Return
by LonelyArtist
Summary: DH SPOILERS! Scorpius is spreading rumors that You Know Who is reincarnated. James believes him, but doesn't let it show. Meanwhile, Draco and his wife are having marriage problems. Can Harry straighten things out?


-1Disclaimer: Luckily, I do not own HP. Rowling can have it.

_Good day. This is my first HP fanfic. I figured I'd wait until after reading the seventh book before I bothered, otherwise it'd just be proven wrong later on. I came up with this, sort of, back in fifth or sixth grade. I'm going into tenth now. And I got the whole homosexual idea when I was already partway done with this. So it's sort of my original plan, but not really, as the seventh book kind of made me scratch a bunch of it. And I might get various facts and spellings of names wrong in this story, it's been almost a trillion years since my mom read the first book to me and my sister. So you can review me and notify me of my mistakes. I probably won't fix them, but whatever. I don't see why I can't fictionalize a fictional story, do you?_

_On a side note, I think the word "slash" is pretty interesting. I've read and written the homosexual stories in Azumanga Daioh and Sonic the Hedgehog, but I've never seen it called "slash." Just shojou-ai or yaoi. I'll have to introduce this word to my Azumanga peeps._

**His Return**

Harry was going through his mail. He and Ginny had decided on a muggle life, living in a muggle suburb, and living, outside of their home, as the non-magical type. This included muggle bills.

After tossing aside junk mail and bills that he'd pay later, after Lily had gone to bed, he still had two worthwhile letters. The first was from James. There was a new procedure that wizards and witches living in a muggle community would have letters delivered through the post office, by an owl delivering them there. He opened James' letter, pulling out a sheet of notebook paper. There was a short letter talking about how Albus had, indeed, gotten into Gryffindor, after an argument with the sorting hat, which had wanted to put him into Hufflepuff. Harry laughed at this, remembering his own sorting when he was that age. It also talked a bit about the friends he had made, two girls named Abbey Babcock and Esther Caron. He also said that his least favorite teacher was Prof. Darrow, of Defense Against the Dark Arts, and that his favorite, of course, was Prof. Longbottom.

Harry set the letter and the ripped envelope aside, and took the next one. This was from James' favorite teacher.

_Dear Harry,_

_How are things? I was wondering if it would be alright to come over to your place during the holidays? Not for long, maybe just a visit, then I'm off to see more parents. I think that it is something a professor should do, getting acquainted with a student's guardians. After all, if they are causing a problem, it's good to get it straightened out. Not that your children are causing any trouble. However, I might add that Jamesina Darrow, this generation's Snape (bless his heart), is causing James quite a bit of trouble._

_I've heard that James is a bit of a trouble maker, as you were in our time. But he has no problem with the Potions master. In fact, they get along quite nicely. But James is always in arguments with the Defense teacher, thinking that, with a father of your status, he knows more than the professor. He might, and without question you know more than she, but he still does not know how to operate the spells that his father has told him of and the professor refuses to teach. It is hardly two months into the school year, and already he has been in detention twelve times for disrupting the Defense class. He is delightful in Herbology, and as Prof. Fannon recalls, Potions classes._

_And then there is Mr. Malfoy. He seems friendlier than his father, perhaps he has gotten that from his mother. But he is a little strange in the head. James and Scorpius have switched yours and Draco's roles, and James seems to torment him almost as much as Draco tormented you. I do not blame James, however. Scorpius is, as I said, a bit crazy. I have overheard he and his friends talking. He has convinced himself that You-Know-Who has risen again. And his friends have started to believe him. Ironically enough, Scorpius has not been placed in Slytherin. He is in Ravenclaw, and I think it suits him well._

_Anyway, please respond. I would like to know if I am welcome in your household for a few hours during the holidays. But I must finish this letter, I have another to write to the Malfoys, and to the Weasleys._

_Hoping all is well,_

_Prof. Neville Longbottom_

Harry gazed at the letter. It seemed odd that James got along so well with the Potions master, and not with the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. And that he was practically a new Draco. But he brushed it aside. He'd have a talk with the boy when he returned home in a few months time. He would treat the boy the way Lucius should have if they had found out about Draco's cruelty. Of course, they would have supported it at the time.

Lucius and Narcissa had changed slightly after Voldemort's death. They had been so relieved to see their son alive, and they blamed themselves for his endangerment. It was them, after all, who had brought themselves and Malfoy into Voldemort's control. They weren't very friendly still, but they could be reasoned with, and tolerated Muggles and Mudbloods more.

The front door opened and Harry turned around in his chair to see Lily coming through.

"Lily! You're back! How was school?"

Lily sighed, tossing her pink book-bag onto the couch. "It was fine."

"It doesn't sound fine."

"It was just boring, as usual. I want to learn magic, not math." She sat in one of the dining chairs across from Harry.

Harry chuckled. "You'll be fine. Besides, a basic understanding of mathematics and science really helps. Even in Hogwarts. That's pretty much how you're supposed to do your Divination homework."

"Supposed to?"

"Well, yeah. Don't tell your brothers this, but Ron and I pretty much made the stuff up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But anyway, take your Muggle classes seriously. I wish very much they had those classes in Hogwarts. Ginny and I are so terrible at math, English, you name it!"

"Is that why you made Jamie and Al take along those Muggle text books?"

"Yes. If they even bother to crack the books. If they do, maybe they can teach their friends something."

James was lounging on the Gryffindor common room couch. He was reading the Earth Science textbook that his dad had sent with him. He was on the part of earthquakes, which he found fascinating. Abbey was reading the English Grammar book, and Esther was reading the one on Algebra. Esther was the only one who seemed interested in that subject.

Abbey was getting bored with her book. "James, where did you put your Biology book? I want to look at the dinosaurs again."

Esther was scratching out problems in her notebook. "Honestly, Abbey, I don't see why you're so interested in those dead dinosaurs. There's plenty of creatures in the Forbidden Forest that are much more fascinating than those, and they're still living even!"

Abbey closed her book and started digging through James' bag. "They're fascinating for you, Esther, you're muggle-born. You've learned everything about dinosaurs and nothing about centaurs. For me it's just the opposite! I think they're awesome!"

Abbey wasn't the smart one in the group, but she definitely loved learning the best. That was an impressive feat, as all three of them were really into school work. Like James, she was fascinated with Potions class, it required so much concentration.

Esther liked Charms best. To her, a little feather twirling through the air was a spectacular sight. She wasn't a very powerful witch, so she didn't really have very much magic that she used as a child. Before receiving her wand, the only thing she was ever able to do magically was make paper twitch as if it were blowing in the wind. But she claimed her wand was very strong, and it did seem to make up for it.

And of course James liked Potions. He was the smart one in the group, and in that class it could shine. He got the perfect scores he did in every other class, but Potions stood out because everybody else, even Abbey, found it so hard.

A voice outside the door could be heard saying "I'm Albus Potter," in an exasperated voice. The door swung open and in walked James' brother. He looked highly irritated. "I had forgotten the password. That painting would not let me in!"

"You got in okay," Esther pointed out.

Albus shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Either Albus or Potter must have been the password, I guess."

James sat up to talk to his brother. "Nope. It's Ime."

"Huh?"

"It's some sort of herb. Don't ask me. Ask Longbottom."

Albus shrugged and trotted up the stairs to his dorm room.

When he was out of earshot, Abbey scolded James. "You know perfectly well that the password is Albus, James. After the greatest headmaster to rule Hogwarts!" Abbey got kind of a dreamy look in her eye, reliving Hogwarts history.

James turned the page in his book. "I dunno. Severus Snape was pretty high up there."

Abbey looked horrified. "James, how can you say that?" James looked over at her. "He was a Slytherin! He _killed _Albus Dumbledore!" She said this as if it had just happened, and was still front page news on _The_ _Daily Prophet._

"Yeah, because he told him to. And just because he was a Slytherin didn't make him a bad headmaster. There's nothing wrong with Slytherins."

Esther started to make things float with her wand. She wasn't very good at it. Her face was contorted in effort, making a piece of scrap paper rise to the ceiling and back to the table. Abbey and James took no notice, continuing in their "polite conversation." "Of course there's something wrong with Slytherins! They dabble in the Dark Arts and hate muggles and mudbloods!"

Esther did not look up at the word, but she let the paper fall to the table in a very un-magical way. James stood up slowly, letting his book fall off his lap. "They do not. They are as un-evil as we are, and now that the Dark Lord's gone, most of them tolerate impurities, too." Esther flinched a bit at that.

Abbey stood up, much faster than James had. "Well, that doesn't fix their past!"

"They're not the same people, Abbey!"

"But most have parents from that time! I can't stand anyone who has anything to do with Slytherin other than as a rivaling house! If their parents, grandparents, whatever, were in it, it still counts! Even if their parents got even close to _considered _for Slytherin!"

James lost a bit of his cool. "The sorting hat _favored _my father for Slytherin!"

Abbey's face went white. "Oh my God, seriously? I am _so _sorry, James!"

James was about to retort, when Esther beat her to it. "Don't use the Lord's name in vain, Abbey."

Abbey looked at Esther as if she had forgotten her, which she probably had. "Huh?"

"Don't use the Lord's name in vain. You heard me."

Abbey blinked a couple times. "You serious?"

Esther put her wand down on the table, and looked up at Abbey in disbelief. "Of course I'm serious."

Abbey and James both sat down in their seats. "Oh yeah. You're a Bibler."

"A what?"

James explained for Abbey. "It's what the magical community often calls Christians. It is, however," he shot Abbey a look, "derogatory."

"Okay, yes I am a Christian. Just...don't use the Lord's name in vain."

Abbey looked offended. "Yeah, well, 'God' could mean any god. Greek, Roman–"

"They're the same gods, essentially," James pointed out.

Abbey continued, "–or Norse, even!"

Esther was not to be persuaded by this argument. "I don't care. Use it in front of your fellow anti-Christians, if you like. Just not me. I won't insult your beliefs if you don't insult mine!"

Abbey shook her head. "They're not beliefs, Esther, they're facts!"

Esther shrugged. "That's a rather confident attitude."

"James, tell her! Tell her what your father saw when he died!"

James looked away from Abbey. "I don't want to get into this. My father was in somewhat of a train station. With You-Know-Who struggling. That's all he could tell me."

Abbey looked smug. "See, Esther? Does that scream heaven to you?"

"Well..." Esther began, "Mr. Potter was talking to Dumbledore, and he could see You-Know-Who's soul being tormented. Perhaps that was heaven."

James couldn't help but add, "I doubt it."

Esther continued, undefeated. "Or, it could be a kind of stopping point on to paradise. Or a form of purgatory. Even James won't argue that his father did some bad things in his lifetime."

James shrugged. "Nope."

Abbey rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Harry dug out his wallet and pulled out three coins. He snuck off away from Ginny and Lily. Ginny went on without him, Lily saw and followed. They stopped at a gum ball machine and Harry bought three gum balls. He gave all three to Lily.

"Go catch up with Mommy, sweetheart. Help her pick out the clothes you like. I'm going to do a bit of browsing here, okay?"

Lily smiled, and as she ran off after her mother, she stuffed all three gum balls into her mouth.

The part of the Potter family not off at school was in the mall. It was a wizarding mall, so the atrium wasn't very crowded; most magical families found it easier to simply apparate into the stores, but Ginny insisted on doing things the hard way.

Harry went off into the bookstore. He needed a new, up-to-date spell book. His was at least three years old. He started to search through the aisles, when he saw in one of them a rather familiar looking female.

She was brown haired and brown eyed. She had dark skin, and was a little on the short side. He went up to her. "Gloria. Gloria Idoni!" Gloria was–sort of–a co-worker of Harry's. Harry was paid for giving talks and lectures and guest appearances and the whole celebrity thing, and Gloria was almost always the one reporting from _The Daily Prophet._ She was also Draco Malfoy's wife.

Gloria turned and smiled up at Harry. Harry could not believe she married Draco. It was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. "Oh hello, Mr. Potter. It's so nice to see you outside of an interview. But you forget, my name is no longer Idoni. It's Malfoy."

Harry grinned back. "It is, isn't it? What an unfortunate thing to happen to the Idoni family tree."

Gloria was not insulted for her husband, merely she smiled back at him. "Well, it shouldn't be too much of a problem in the future. I won't be a Malfoy much longer."

Harry frowned. "Oh?"

Gloria sighed, but with her aura it was almost a happy sigh. "Yes. We will probably get a divorce soon. Things won't work between us."

"Gee, I didn't think he was still that awful."

Gloria shrugged. "It's not that, really. I guess you could say he's cheating on me."

Harry was shocked. "Really? On you? But you're the nicest person I've ever met! And I find it hard to believe that he could possibly find a more attractive looking woman than yourself!"

Gloria blushed. "Oh, Harry. Don't let Ginny hear you say that. Anyway, that's not it either. It's a very long story."

"Well, if you're willing, I could hear it."

Gloria seemed to lose a bit of her cheerfulness. She looked at Harry square in the eye. "No, Harry. Frankly, you should hear it from Draco himself. It's not my story to tell."

Harry nodded. "I see. Well, I'm sorry to hear about you and..." he was not used to saying Malfoy's first name, but he decided that in front of a woman with the same last name it was necessary. "...you and Draco. I'll see you again sometime."

Gloria's cheerfulness was renewed. "Of course. As long as we're still working, I think we'll be seeing much more of each other." She and Harry shook hands, and they went on their ways.

That night, Harry and Ginny were sitting in the dining room. Ginny was working on one of her many incomplete novels. Harry was paying bills.

"Hey, Ginny?"

Ginny was engrossed in her laptop. "Hm?"

"I saw Gloria today."

"Who?" Ginny seemed to a bit interested in this, now that there was another woman involved.

"You know, that one reporter who's always covering my speeches and whatnot. Gloria Idoni. I mean, Malfoy."

Ginny looked up from her laptop. "Oh yeah. Her. What about it?"

"She said that she and Malfoy might get divorced."

Ginny shrugged. "No wonder. Malfoy's a terrible person, Harry."

"She said he's cheating on her, but she didn't give any details."

"Now that is odd. Gloria's the nicest person ever."

"That's what I told her," Harry said. He didn't find it necessary to tell Ginny about Gloria's beauty. "But she said it wasn't like that. She told me to ask Malfoy himself."

"Well," Ginny said, "Are you going to?"

Harry laughed, trying to get back to the bills. "Yeah right. Like I'm going to talk to him again."

Ginny nodded. "I suppose. I do wonder how he's doing though."

Draco was leaning on a lamp post at the corner of the street in case his date were to come by. He saw a figure coming up, and his heart beat a bit quicker. But he stiffened when the figure came up to the lamplight. It was Potter.

Potter almost didn't see him, and Draco would have preferred that, but it was not to be. Potter stopped walking about a foot after he passed Draco, then turned and went back over.

"Malfoy?" Potter asked, curiously.

Draco gave a nod. "Potter."

Potter looked around, confused. "Uh, what are you doing here?"

"I fail to see how that's any of your business, Potter."

"Sorry." He did not look like he meant it. "I just didn't know you lived on my street?"

"I would never live in a _muggle_ community, Potter. That's for mudbloods, half-bloods, and blood traitors."

Potter rolled his eyes. "Anyway. I talked to Gloria the other day."

"Did you now?" Draco was not interested at all.

"Yeah. She said you guys would get divorced?"

"Yes. I think I am more aware of my life than you are."

"I'm not saying you don't know about that. So it's true?" Draco gave a nod. "Okay. She said you were cheating on her?"

Draco sighed, annoyed. "I asked her permission first, Potter. She said it was just as well, considering the circumstances."

"What? She actually said you could?"

"Potter, I would appreciate it if you would leave." But it was too late. His date was coming up the street. The first person besides his wife to find out would be Potter.

Herman Losa, Draco's date, came trotting up to Draco, almost tripping on the curb. "Draco, I'm so sorry I'm late, but I had to erase part of a muggle's memory because she saw me apparating.

Potter gave Draco a weird look, which he could see out the corner of his eye. Draco's heart was pounding in fear, but he kept a straight, mean face and didn't say anything.

Herman saw Potter, and he looked back to Draco, confused. "Draco? Harry Potter? You were going to dump me for him, weren't you?"

Draco decided that he could find other lovers, but this was the one chance to convince Potter he was straight. "Excuse me, sir, but who are you?"

Herman's mouth dropped. "Draco, it's me! Herman!" Herman turned to Potter, whose mouth was also dropped. "What have you done to him? I know how powerful of a wizard you are! You probably wove your little wand and made him forget all about me! Just so you could have him to yourself!"

Draco held in something between a sigh and a moan. Potter took a moment to speak. "Uh. Herman, right? Herman, I'm not insulting you now, don't get me wrong. But I can assure you I am perfectly straight. And until now, I was fairly certain Malfoy was, too."

Draco sighed. "He's _drunk, _Potter. I have never seen this man in my life."

Herman stood up straight, obviously close to tears. Draco rolled his eyes. It was better to be rid of him now anyway. He hated those girly men. "Well, Draco. I see how it is. Ashamed of me, are you? Well, it is over. Go...go find yourself a _woman!_"

Draco almost laughed. That was the lamest diss he had ever heard. But he kept his face calm and mature, to match his receding hairline. He did hear himself snort a bit as Herman turned on his heel and stomped off.

Potter watched Herman walk away. After awhile he said, "He didn't look drunk."

Draco gave the same sigh he had earlier. "He is. I could smell the alcohol in his breath."

"How did he know your name?"

Draco glanced at Potter, than continued to stare straight ahead. "What can I say? I am the youngest Death Eater that actually served the Dark Lord while he was still alive."

"You're not very convincing, you know that, Draco?"

Draco almost smiled. "Draco, now am I? When did we get on a first name basis?" He still did not look at Potter.

"And now you're changing the subject."

Draco gave a cold smile, still looking straight ahead, where the darkness hid where Herman had escaped. "I don't think so. Now if you excuse me Potter, I have business to attend to." With that, he left, heading down the alley where he could disapparate.

It was dinner at Hogwarts, and James had already finished his meal. He was walking amongst the tables, trying to pick up on some gossip. He slowed at the Ravenclaw table, and came to a stop. He stood, looking straight ahead, but listening to a group of boys sitting to his left.

"And I _feel _His presence! He's definitely–"

Scorpius Malfoy was cut off by the boy sitting across from him, closest to James. He coughed, _"Gryffindor."_

Malfoy looked up, over the heads of his friends, at James. "Potter."

James scoffed at the younger boy. "Malfoy. What are you and your little," he paused, but could come up with no better word, "_freaks_ talking about this time?"

Malfoy's face reddened slightly. "I don't see how that's any of your concern."

James leaned in between two of Malfoy's friends, supporting himself with his hands on the Ravenclaw table. "Well, actually, Malfoy, I think it is. I have been appointed to keep track of these things."

"That's a lie and you know it!"

James shrugged. "Well, if you jump on the table now and...magic McGonnagal's hair away, I'll forget this ever happened. Otherwise I'll have to tell her what's been going on. You don't want our aging headmaster to know about your little cult, do you?"

Malfoy glowered at James. "It's not a cult, Potter."

James laughed. "I would say so, Malfoy. You're worshiping and preaching about a power that doesn't even exist."

James noticed Malfoy grip his wand under his cloaks, but he said nothing about it. "It's all true, Potter. Voldemort being back."

The surrounding area shushed at the name. A girl who had been sitting next to Malfoy, listening to his speech, touched his shoulder. "Don't say his name, Scorpius. It's Taboo."

James chuckles. "Listen to your girlfriend, Scorpius. The name is Taboo now. Say it and the Death Eaters will get you. For you, that means Daddy's coming."

Malfoy's face turned pale. "My father is not a Death Eater."

James laughed harder. "Shove it, Malfoy, 'course he is! He's got the mark, right?"

"So what? The Dark One's dead and gone, it doesn't matter!"

"Aren't you the one spreading the myths of You-Know-Who's return?"

Malfoy sputtered. "Well, well yeah! And they're not myths! He's really come back, but it's not him any more! He's a different form, probably can't remember ever being Him. But His soul, His soul! It's back, Potter. And we'd best be on the lookout for it. I reckon that whoever's had the misfortune to be given his soul is almost Hogwart's age now!"

"Hm? You don't honestly mean reincarnation, do you, Malfoy?" James stood straight up and headed to a new part of the aisle.

Malfoy stood. "Don't go just yet, Potter."

James shook his head, smiling slightly to himself. He turned back to Malfoy and his group, but he didn't return. "Oh, and why shouldn't I?"

Malfoy seemed embarrassed at his outburst. "Just...just keep careful, okay? I think whoever He's taken over is after your dad. And if He is, you'd best know ahead of time."

James reluctantly strolled back over to Malfoy, irritated. "What are you going on about now, Malfoy? If You-Know-Who is alive, of _course _he's after my dad. You've just gone noddins, is all."

Malfoy's cheeks regained a bit of color. "No, I haven't. I don't _want _this to be true, Potter. I'm not worshiping Him or anything. He's the wizarding world's devil, sure enough. Only in this case, He's more than just a possible entity. He's here and about."

James rolled his eyes. "You forget, Malfoy, that you're talking to your upperclassman. I'm not as easily pulled into this as your fellow first years."

Malfoy didn't seem to have anything to say to this, so James left, heading now over to the common room.

He would gather his stuff, and head to the Potions Lab, early for a change.

Malfoy's words had struck a chord with him, though. What if He-Who-Must-Be-Named really was about? No, that was foolish. But even James sometimes felt his presence. Not at Hogwarts, though. He was always too wrapped in his studies for that silly feeling here.

But on his time off, he would sometimes get a pang of fear in him. He remembered once

his family was at the Christmas tree, and he had become so terrified that someone was out to kill them. He could tell his parents and brothers were feeling it too; Harry and Ginny had drawn their wands, and Albus had almost started to cry. Lily had become confused at their reaction, but she was too young to notice the sense of fear in the air.

It was probably dementors at the worst. Sometimes one passed by their street; it was one the Ministry had somehow lost control of.

But, that terror wasn't the kind that the rogue dementor left behind. It left a kind of sorrow, but not fear, really. James never felt threatened when the dementor, maybe holding a grudge on his father, would hover around their house. He just felt unbearably sad, and his father was always able to summon a Patronus to clear things up.

But when his father had created a Patronus that Christmas, nothing had happened but a stag entered the room. The feeling of terror stayed until the Patronus had died out and the family was finished with their presents.

And once, while he was alone in the house with his little sister, he had become so frightened that he had grabbed her and held her, rocking softly, until his parents and brother came home. That had been the scariest one yet. He had not known what to do without his mother and father, the great warriors who had fought him way back when.

He knew that Malfoy was probably wrong about You-Know-Who being after his father. You-Know-Who was after James. His parents and siblings never seemed terribly bothered by it, just James. They reacted more to James' terror stricken face than anything.

At Christmas, he had held Albus and Lily close, trying to protect them, in the very middle of opening a present. And that time he had been watching Lily, he had refused to come out behind the couch, refused even to let her go, until his father had dragged him out and held him to his chest, letting James sob into his shoulder.

But he would not let Malfoy think he was right. James knew Malfoy was right, and Malfoy knew he was right. But James could not let the other students know. Otherwise, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would actually have the upper hand.

**To be continued...**

**Totally irrelevant different bonus story! Yay!**

_Ring Ring! _The phone rang. Hermione picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey. You're not Ron."

"Sorry, Harry, if I offended you."

"Hello?"

"Ron?"

"Harry?"

"Hey, both you an' Hermione are talking to me from different phones. Fun!"

"Yes, Harry, we are. Now whatever you wanted to tell Ron you can tell me."

"Yeah, yeah. It's nothing dirty."

"Then why did you care that it was me that answered?"

"I dunno. Ron's just more fun is all."

"Score."

"Get on with it, Mr. Potter."

"Guess what!"

"I don't, Harry. I have things to do..."

"Ooh! I'll guess, Harry! Hermione's just being a fuss budget. Um..."

"Get on with it, Ron."

"Um...Pluto exploded."

"Ron, don't be such an idiot. Why I _ever_ married you..."

"No, Ron! You remember than Rowling chick?"

"The squib girl who worked in the kitchens?"

"Don't call her a squib, Ron. It's derogatory."

"Shush, Hermione. Anyway, she's totally writing a book about us!"

"For real?"

"Well me, really. It's titled _Harry Potter_."

"How do you luck out?"

"Hello?"

"Hey Ginny!"

"Ron? Oh hello!"

"Ginny, Harry here was telling us about this new book written about him."

"Oh, I know, Hermione. I've read what she's got so far. It's actually going to be in seven books."

"Really?"

"Yes Ron. But if you ask me, it's highly exaggerated. That Joanne girl had a bit of a crush on Harry, I think. She had him the star of the whole thing."

"Well, I am the boy who lived."

"What did you say you were, Harry?"

"Tch. He's just let that whole thing go to his head, Ron. Joanne, who's going as J.K. for this one, made up most of it. She even claimed that Harry survived Riddle's first attack by some special power. We all know he _missed_ him. And she's even got a funny name to call him. Moldy Wart or something like that."

"It's _Voldemort, _Ginny. Remember? I think Tom even had called himself that once..."

"Oh yeah, I remember that. He got all mad at you once for calling him Riddle."

"I know . And that was the first time I had ever heard this Voldemort thing."

"Well, anyway boys. It also claimed that Harry did most of the work. The book is actually going to say that _Harry _killed the Basilisk. Obviously it was Hermione."

"Thank you, Ginny."

"Yes. And I don't think she liked Sirius Black very much. You know how he was wanted for leaking stock secrets? Joanne wrote that he was a serial killer! And she killed him off!"

"Well he did die a couple years ago..."

"Stop trying to defend her, Harry. He died of _spattergoit. _She actually said that he got pushed into this mirror thing. By _Bellatrix._"

"Bellatrix! That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Bellatrix left the Dark Eaters before we were born!"

"Yes, Ron. But not in this story, I guess. She did a whole lot more, too. She killed off Fred and hexed off George's ear!"

"What?! How dare she do that to my brothers!"

"I think it was because they were always pulling pranks on her. They hated non-magical wizards. And she killed off a bunch of others, too."

"Well, Ginny, thanks for ruining the whole thing."

"I'm very sorry, dear."

**The End!**

_Well, thanks for reading. I hope you liked the bonus story at the end. I felt it too short to put in a different story, so I just threw it in there._

_Luv you all!_

–_L.A.!_


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